Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
