I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
