you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
