I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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