Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
