NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
