I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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