I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
