my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
