Just fell off a train. Bad.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
