I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she peed on how many people?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
