there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
