I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this will be a night to untag.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
