I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
