I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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