Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
