I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
