my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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