I cut my penus on the lid.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
