so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
