I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
