just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
