She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Less talking, more tequila
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
