He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
