If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
