Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
