I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
