I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
