Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
