We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
