I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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