Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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