'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
