Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
