chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
