Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
