Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
