it hurts more in the daytime
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
