I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
