we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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