She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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