nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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