"it" just moved
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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