dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
