I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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