i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
