Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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