1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
