Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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