It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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