There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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