theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
