you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize