we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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