I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
