Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize