drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize