Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
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Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize