That's intense
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
