We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
