The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
