2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
being pregnant is like rehab
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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