Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
