so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
