that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
