I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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